2 years ago

I have spent the past few days confessing and apologizing to God, family, neighbors and friends for lying. This week has been difficult, as it marks the anniversary of a very difficult part of my life. The realization has made me feel like I just can't keep my mouth shut. Two years ago this weekend, I experienced one of the lowest points of my life. I looked my Mama in the eye and lied to her about it. I looked Daddy in the eye and lied to him. I looked my neighbors and friends in the eye and lied to them. I avoided and deflected the few people that knew the truth, the ones that pulled the Corvette off of a tree and out of a yard. I avoided God, I lied to myself. For those that didn't know, I told them I was in the car when it hit the tree. That the accident was where all the bruises, concussion, permanent facial nerve damage, partial loss of sense of smell and taste came from. I can't even count the times people have told me that they would have never imagined that anything was wrong, I always seemed so happy, how I couldn't possibly hide this, we seemed like the perfect couple, this doesn't happen to a woman with my strength. So, if you're reading this and you really know me (or thought you did), I owe you an apology, too. I had become one of those people that I am not fond of - the ones that put on the happy face for social media and the public. I was no longer transparent and honest with anyone, especially myself and God. I covered up reality with lies and a fake smile. All of that being said, I have experienced such wonderful blessings lately. I have 'leaned into Him', as my sweet prayer warrior friend instructed. After over 6 years of avoiding God and my prayer life, I have diligently been prayer journaling for 6 days straight. This may not seem like much to some of you, but for me it is life-altering. As I tend to go on ADD rabbit trails in thought, I choose to journal and use the ACTS method of prayer. A stands for Adoration - praising God for one of His wonderful attributes. C stands for Confession - honestly confessing your sins, even thoughts. T stands for Thanksgiving - recording what and who you are grateful for in your life. S stands for Supplication - praying for others and yourself. This week has been eye-opening for me as I've realized just how much I have to be thankful for. I have two amazing daughters, a wonderful family, a home, a plethora of friends and the best neighbors you could ever ask for. My girls and I are safe and happy, we are at ease for the first time in years. Are there fears, doubts, regrets? You betcha. But that's where the confession part comes in. Daily, I hand these over to God and fully know that He's got this and He's got us. His people are lifting us up, my girls know Him and I have turned back to Him. Now we move on to allowing Him to heal us in His way, to teach us what He has to teach us and become the Proverbs 31 women He intended us to be. God's plan may not always be what we want, but it is definitely better than what we could ever come up with. For now, my first daily supplication is that His will be done, not mine...because my will cannot be trusted.